Friday, 26 June 2015

Can I Restart?

Hari-hari rasa macam makin tak berguna. Although macam nampak happy tapi tak. Rasa kosong yang macam biasa selama ni. Kau faham rasa kosong? Bukan aku nak salahkan tuhan sebab aku tak buat apa yang wajib dia suruh tapi aku betul-betul rasa lain lagi.

Fikir mati? More than everyday aku fikir yang aku akan mati macam mana suatu hari nanti. Aku sekarang pun dah mati. Seolah merasa mati sebelum mati. Aku dah mati untuk berada dalam dunia sendiri. Tuhan pasti tahu macam mana aku maksudkan apa mati aku itu sebenarnya.

Tapi aku rasa kosong dan mati sekarang tak seteruk aku rasa tahun lepas. Perasaan yang terlampau kosong dan tak mampu hidup. Tahun lepas terlalu sakit untuk rasa kosong yang berpanjangan sepanjang bulan puasa. Cukuplah.

Malam ni aku dah fikir. Aku nak mula semula. Simpan semua yang lama dan fikir macam nak deactivate all social media. Entah lah. Sebab aku rasa dah tak betul. Rasa bahagia tu kejap dan pergi balik selepas itu.

Ini karma atau sebetulnya kifarah. Apa yang aku bagi-- ini yang aku dapat dan tak perlu pertikaikan lagi kalau memang betul aku sakitkan hati orang; inilah balasan tuhan terhadap aku. Padan muka sendiri,

Sudahlah. Bergantung asa untuk sesuatu yang takkan pernah dapat lagi. Sesuatu yang takkan pernah ada untuk kau. Bercukuplah atas segala manis sementara. Dia tak pernah tahu mahu kau. Berhentilah dan...

Can i restart it all over again?

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

Fin?

I can't sleep.
I can't close my eyes.
I can't stop thinking about you.
It sucks.

I know this is not your problem.
None of your business.
Nope.

It's been 3 days. I can't forget any single of our conversation. The last one is "Goodnight boh 👋🏻" from you. Yes. That was the last. I know you're doing fine there. Literally yes. Chasing something and maybe in progress-- someone. And forget about all of me.

Berbalik kepada beberapa hari lepas; I try to say "Thanks for completing all my 6 months" and "Take care see you again" that it would be the last conversation for us. But I can't handle it. I cannot continue to say it. You're meant to be the one who always gives me some inspiration and dare to listen to me when I need someone to talk to. Even you always said "Tak membantu apa apa pun en" tu pun dah cukup completing my day to talk with you. You're something important to me.


The goodnight wishes always be my second favorite words from you. It makes my day end with some doa that my night will be good as you wish. But I will be so happy when you say my favorite word. Yup. That word.

Do you know why I'm in love with you as a good listener and friend? Actually, I don't have that answers. Maybe it was you. The true of yourself. I think so. I can't describe how. I want to talk to you but it's difficult. Macam nafas akan tersekat-sekat. Terbatas dalam meluah.

Hye, do you remember me? Have you forgotten about me? Yes? Congrats. If you already throw me out, it's okay. I'm doing fine. Maybe. It is not easy for me to let you go. But I am pretty sure it is easy for you. Yes, of course. I try to adapt it. Why not? Sebelum-sebelum ni pun kosong.

Sorry. If I had just one more day, I really wanna tell you that I miss you since you've been away. I'm still waiting for you to text me like before. But it will not happen anymore. I know. You will go into a further step in letting me go.

goodbye im. tc.

fin.